How To Help A Loved One With A Mood Disorder

Mood disorders can impact the whole family. The ups and downs, the uncertainty – it can be overwhelming and sometimes contagious for everyone involved. When your loved one has an episode, it can feel like you are living in ‘crisis mode’ which makes it hard to think clearly.

During these moments, you may wonder how to react, how to help, and which actions come from the illness and which come from the real person.

One important thing to remember is that there is not a lot you can do to change people during a mood episode. 

It’s hard enough to change people when they are’t having mood swings! Still, it’s natural to want to help someone you love. Unfortunately, even your best efforts can leave you feeling frustrated and exhausted.

The good news is there are some ways you can help. Here are a few things to keep in mind when trying to help a loved one with a mood disorder:

First, focus on increasing these in the relationship:

1)      Practice Compassion & Understanding

Mood disorders affect the whole family, and emotions can be contagious. Whether it’s the excitement of mania or the gloom of depression, it’s important to approach your loved one with empathy and compassion. Try to understand their experience without judgment or the need to change them. Sometimes, simply being there with warmth and empathy can make all the difference.

2)     Focus on Positivity

During challenging times, it’s easy to get caught up in negativity. But remember, recovery is possible, and your loved one needs your optimism now more than ever.

Celebrate their strengths, acknowledge their progress, and remind them that brighter days are also helpful. Neutral comments describe what you see without judging, trying to change, or suggesting the cause or motivation.

3)     Maintain Boundaries & Self-Care

While supporting a loved one with a mood disorder, it’s easy to become tangled up in all of their struggles. However, it’s essential to establish and maintain healthy boundaries to protect your own well-being.

Practice self-care, seek support from professionals or support groups, and recognize when you need to step back to recharge. Remember, you can only offer your best support when prioritizing your mental and emotional health.

Next, try to reduce the following in the relationship:

1)      Critical comments:

When communicating with your loved one who has a mood disorder, it’s important to be mindful of the language you use. Avoid expressions that find fault or pass judgment, as these can exacerbate feelings of guilt or inadequacy. Watch out for phrases like “should,” which imply a sense of obligation or expectation. Instead, focus on offering support and understanding without placing undue pressure on your loved one to meet certain standards. Remember, acceptance and empathy can go a long way in nurturing a positive and supportive relationship.

2)     Scrutinizing mood:

When supporting a loved one with a mood disorder, it’s natural to be attentive to their emotional fluctuations. However, it’s important to strike a balance and avoid excessively scrutinizing their mood, which may unintentionally convey a critical attitude.

Once your relative has recovered from an episode, it’s beneficial to interact with them in a manner similar to how you would with anyone else. Resist the urge to attribute every emotion to their disorder or medication reactions immediately. Recognize that emotions are a normal part of human experience and not indicative of a disorder.

While you may be the first to notice early signs of an episode, it’s essential to acknowledge the limitations of diagnosing mood disorders based on short-term emotional changes. Remember that mood involves fluctuations over days or weeks, while emotions fluctuate over shorter periods. Instead of fixating on momentary shifts, focus on the broader context of your loved one’s emotional well-being.

As you cultivate this broader perspective, establish open communication with your relative and their healthcare provider. This allows for a collaborative approach to monitoring mood without making your loved one feel overly scrutinized. By maintaining a supportive and understanding stance, you can navigate the complexities of mood disorders with compassion and empathy.

3)     Trying to win or resolve arguments:

When conflicts arise with a loved one experiencing a mood episode, it’s natural to want to resolve them quickly. However, excessive verbal engagement can add stress, especially when your loved one is already mentally fatigued. Recognize that irrational arguments may occur during mood swings, and prioritize the well-being of both parties over resolving disputes immediately.

Instead of prolonging verbal disagreements, consider the importance of preserving sleep and rest for both yourself and your loved one. Time often provides clarity and perspective, allowing emotions to settle and tensions to ease naturally. If a disagreement becomes too intense, it may be best to physically separate temporarily to prevent escalation and promote emotional self-care for both parties involved.

By prioritizing rest, self-care, and allowing time for emotions to stabilize, you can navigate conflicts with compassion and promote a healthier resolution for all involved. Remember, it’s okay to step back and take a break when tensions run high, as preserving emotional well-being is essential for creating a supportive and understanding relationship.

4)     Overinvolvement

This occurs when you blame yourself for your loved one’s illness or behavior, which is a common and understandable response, especially if your child is dealing with a mood disorder. However, it’s important to recognize that this level of involvement can add stress to your loved one’s already challenging situation.

Mood disorders often cause individuals to experience feelings of guilt, loss of control, or a sense of identity loss. When relatives become overly involved, it can exacerbate these emotions and potentially hinder their recovery process.

Instead of shouldering the burden alone, consider seeking support from professionals or support groups. By sharing the responsibility and gaining insight from others who understand your situation, you can provide better support for your loved one while also prioritizing your own well-being.

5)     Hostility:

Hostility towards a person with a mood disorder manifests as feelings of contempt and blame, often directed towards the individual for the challenges their illness presents. Over time, certain beliefs may contribute to the buildup of hostility, starting as common thoughts that can become deeply ingrained if not monitored.

The important thing is to watch these thoughts and not take them too seriously; don’t let them get ingrained.  Some examples of these thoughts are:

“They wouldn’t be like this if they tried harder”
“They don’t want to get better”
“They just want an excuse for their behavior”
“They may have a disorder, but they can control their behavior… I saw them control it with friends last night!”

It’s natural to think that your loved one with a mood disorder can control their emotions, especially when they seem fine for short periods during their episodes. But it’s crucial to understand that these ups and downs aren’t always something they can manage. They might be influenced by changes in their brain chemistry.

Also, it’s typical for people with mood disorders to show their strongest emotions around family, while seeming calmer when they’re out in public. This doesn’t mean they’re not trying or that they can’t control themselves. It’s just that different situations affect them in different ways because of how their brain works.

Mood Disorder Support In Winston-Salem

A few key takeaways from this post:

• You should not accept everything your relative does during a mood episode.
• It’s crucial to know your limits and have a plan of action if a situation becomes dangerous or destructive.
• Use words and non-verbal behavior.
• Avoid daily expressions of criticism, argument and hostility.

This advice is not easy to follow, so go easy on yourself if you fall behind. Practice helps. Meeting regularly with a therapist in Winston-Salem can also keep you on track as you build the skills to help a loved one with a mood disorder.  It is not easy, but we’re here to provide support.